The Cornish Pasty fail

We both stand at the cooker looking at two Cornish Pasties laying in the bottom of the oven tray.  "It tastes like apple to me" says my Girlfriend.  I carefully break a small piece off one of the pasties, and put it into my mouth.  The peppery, savoury taste of genuine
Cornish Pasty hits my taste buds immediately.  "Without a shadow of doubt; that is a meat pasty," I report, as though I'm some sort of professional.  With that my Girlfriend slides the blackened oven tray into the prewarmed oven, and goes about making the rest of our tea.  Tonight our evening meal will consist of: two reduced pasties from the supermarket, a tin of beans and some broccoli.  The broccoli might seem a bit odd next to the other food items, but we're worried that we don't eat enough fruit and veg these days, so this is our offer to the five-a-day gods.

     I take up my usual position next to radiator to soak up some of its heat, and my Girlfriend sits on the comfy brown sofa.  We catch up on our separate days at work - gossiping mainly as in the background the TV which is turned on, but has the sound down low, broadcasts to nobody in particular.  This is my favourite time of the day.  That bit of the evening, just after work when I'm free till the next day.  I have nothing to do other than watch a bit of TV, cook tea, read my book and cuddle up on the sofa.  

     "This isn't a meat pasty its apple," my Girlfriend laughs as she pulls the tray from the oven.  Hot apple and the odd random sultana can now be seen bubbling out from the pastry.  "OK," she says.  "I'll make some toast for the beans, and we can eat the broccoli with that."  I'm more than happy with that, as effectively we'll be having apple pie and custard for pudding.  A few minutes later we find ourselves tucking into beans on toast with a small helping of green broccoli on the side of the plate.   

     Main course now finished, my Girlfriend uses a spatula to lift the, by now, well cooked apple pies from the oven tray.  As she lifts one out; it splits in two, and visible to the naked eye are the contents of a meat pasty.  We realise, that they are in fact Cornish Pasties of the traditional type; where one end is meat and the other is apple - dinner and pudding all in one.  Trying to save what is turning into a farcical dinner, we cut the Cornish Pasties in half, and eat the meat bit, although neither of us was feeling that hungry after beans on toast and broccoli.

     My Girlfriend disappears into the kitchen for the umpteenth time that evening and returns with the apple half of the now; slightly unpopular Cornish Pasties, covered in bright yellow custard.  After a couple of spoonfuls of what should be a lovely pudding, we look at each other.  "Can you taste bits of meat in this?"  I ask.  

     "Yea, doesn't go well with the custard does it?" my Girlfriend replies as she heads back into the kitchen to dump her bowl of meat, vegetable and custard in the bin.

     So as a couple, who can craft a meal out of most reduced food, left overs and the fridges odds and ends; we can confirm that no meat product goes with custard.

Beware the Cornish Pasty!